enjoy. empathize. quote.
let emotions well up and overflow.
live life. love life. love to live. live to love.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

look forward

they say that when looking for the "One", you gotta think of her as your wife.
they say that it would be pretty meaningless to go courting some girl you don't really SEE as wife material in the future.
they say that you have to be serious in your decision.
they say.

yet what I think is that, would a child eating chocolate know that the sugar would boost his energy levels for a time?
would a man, who just had an impulse not to go buy ice cream for that time know that he'd use that same amount for something important awhile later?
would you go making a friend in future hopes of getting a very specific benefit from him/her?

i doubt.

maybe it's a mix and match sorta thing.
maybe you go and have experiences with different girls, and in the end, you'll find the one.
maybe the future really ain't a thing that you're thinkin' of at the moment.

it's just someone to talk to. someone to reciprocate the emotions that are welling up inside you.

if you had a bucket full of water, wouldn't you want to empty the bucket someplace?
what if the water sprung from within the bucket? and you simply cannot afford to go spilling the water around the ground just so that it wouldn't overflow too much, where would you place the excess water? there has got to be a place where you can just let all the water flow.

there has got to be a person who feels the same. and accepts those emotions. and accepts you for who you are. and does things for you that you never deemed possible.

maybe RIGHT NOW, i just wanna feel loved. and if it develops into something that'll last long term, then I'd hit the jackpot.

maybe all i'm looking for is that place where my water won't be rejected.

future? maybe, yeah. but who knows what the future holds? you might not expect the changes it brings. you never know.
even if you SEE HER AS YOUR WIFE.
there are no 100% assurances.
there is just possibility.
and Almighty Fate.

look forward, sure.
but don't keep looking forward, that you forget what is now.

Friday, September 25, 2009

set me free.

the pressure increased as it pumped up more.
alcohol in my system. never was enough.
though deep inside, i knew it was never good.
slight dizziness. so what?

it's like getting high, on something that's not that much.
not drugs or anything. not addictive, for me.
just something social, as i exclaim, or claim.
yet, deep inside, it's not parties that need me.
it's more of quite the opposite.

the feeling of blood rush.
eyesight a bit blurry. actions, a bit wild.
yet you're still in control. you're sane. you're conscious.
and everything seems to be.. insignificant.

you get your mind of stuff. plenty of stuff.
school. work. family. friends. love.
heck, if life were just a game without importance,
without purpose, then that moment, that feeling, is what I'd like it to be.
just feeling the blood in your head, feeling the beat in your body.
letting it take over. just swayin' and just ignoring.

insignificance takes over. you forget.
you're happy.
not entirely good. not entirely nonaddictive.
not entirely fun. not entirely an attention grabber.
yet it feels good to let loose once in awhile.
sometimes, you gotta tell yourself..

to live like there was no tomorrow.
to dance to the beat that ain't gonna stop.
to leave the things that bear down on your heart.
to give in to the music that flows through your veins.

sometimes, you gotta claim..

"set me free."

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

get over it.

and as i browsed through blogs and posts in Facebook,
something caught my eye.

"Love is over-stated. Love eventually ends and you are free to love another."

And so after your last relationship, you move on.
look for another person to give you heart to, even if it is left in pieces.
you feel happy, sure, and if you're not, you yearn for the "one" who'll make you.

but there are times when your thoughts drift back to the ones before
those who really gave their attention to you
and not just half-hearted, one-way attention..
but their all.

and you sit down and realize, that IT NEVER REALLY GOES AWAY.
part of it will ALWAYS stay.
part of it will always be there.
a piece of your heart, attached to theirs.
a piece of your mind, always thinking of them, as they, you.

and you might retort and say,
ha! i don't feel that way AT ALL.
it's either you were never in love.
or you're just lying your ass off.

coz face it, MOVING ON never really meant to forget.
your subconscious would haunt you.
keep that portion of that person with you.
in your mind.
in your heart.
and never will you FORGET.

get over it?


and there i walked, rain crashing down my face.
the events that transpired flashing through my mind.
i walked alone on the stone path, thinking

"what is there between us?"

i dwell upon the things we do, we did
i rethink the moments we share
and realize that, maybe, i'm just a nobody for you.

there was a time you asked me,
"who are you, anyway, that you wanna know stuff about me?"

maybe that IS how you feel.
maybe that IS what i am to you.
just a nobody.
a shadow that hovers around you,
caring without a heart.
loving without love to give.
a ghost walking in a neighborhood with nothing to gain.

i try to think positive.
try to life up those cheeks with a smile.
a smile that can easily be passed as real,
while the real face inside is crushed.
while the real emotion is subdued and kept in.

as if anybody would care.
as if i cared if anybody besides YOU cared.

just let things go the way they are.
just keep things in and hide it from the world.

and when it's too much.
put it into words
as emotions overflow.