enjoy. empathize. quote.
let emotions well up and overflow.
live life. love life. love to live. live to love.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Nostalgia = Christmas

that season is here again.
cool breeze. nostalgic aura.

i don't get why every year that Christmas occurs, i get this feeling of a nostalgic high deep in my chest.
like there was something that HAD happened before that makes we want it to be Christmas every single day of the year.. and yet not remember what did occur.
there's just this sense of bliss that the celebration brings with it every time it comes that you can rarely find in any of the occasions that take place within the 365 day span of a year.

looking back at all the past 17 Christmases i've had, almost 5 of those, i can't remember. leaving 12 to fill in the expectations and feelings that come back whenever this time of the year comes. maybe within those 12 Christmases, i really felt what it was like..

what does it really feel like? is there a specific feeling that is mutual for all the couple billion people in the world that you SHOULD also feel during this season?

i'd like to think not.

coz i don't think that i feel this way every year--as i feel now.
as i had thought of and felt and said before.

i write down now.

"you don't need all the pieces of the puzzle of life to feel happy.
even if your family is away, the piece of friends may be enough to fill that gap.
even if you're not with the girl you're crushing during this season,
maybe the celebrations would get your mind of her..
even if you live in constant fear of the future,
maybe having RIGHT NOW--the present-- is enough.

you don't need all the pieces of the puzzle of life to feel happy.
you just need the right pieces at the right time. =]"

nostalgia. nostalgia.
maybe it's not nostalgia i feel during Christmas.

it's anticipation of yet one great memory to fill in the gaps.

Friday, December 4, 2009


there are some things that you simply cannot stop.
some things that are simply out of your control.
and no matter how you look at it.. happily or sadly.
no matter what you do or say..

it simply is.

and it drills a deeper hole in my already holey heart.
that this thing that will be occurring.. is really is.

and no matter what i do.
no matter what i say.

you will be going.
and i will still be here.

so i change the way i think.
i change my attitude towards what will be.
and think of it not as a hindrance.
not as a threat.
not as a bad thing, maybe.
but as a challenge.

so far, all that has done to me is..
to let me know more about you.

maybe you also feel the same way..
about leaving yet not wanting to leave.

and i've come to a decision.

"to make the most out of it."

and it may be cliche to say those words..
but that's what is true.
and that's what is logically sound for the heart.

i WILL make an impression on your life..
that when you're finally gone.

the pain would not be too much to bear since..
i would know. for a FACT.
that you will be thinking of me.

that everytime you hear the words i always used to utter.
you would remember me.
and, maybe this would be a gigantic leap,
but maybe you would miss me too.

i may not know what the future holds for us. for me.
but i do know that what i do right now.
is what is necessary for the future to occur.
so while i'm still in the PRESENT. as i would forever be.
i would make the most out of it.

i will fulfill that promise to myself.
and maybe, in a way, to you.

that i will leave my mark.
i will leave my legacy.
i will make you remember.

i will leave you..
my impression.